Dating tips for women
Have you ever looked up dating tips for women online before? I hope not. The results are, unfortunately, a depressing dumpster fire of bad advice. In fact, I’m praying that this is the first blog you’ve ever stumbled upon regarding the subject, because there is some truly AWFUL dating advice for women out there.
Here’s an example: while conducting research for this blog, the number one blog result for women’s dating tips started just like this:
Avoid details, and don’t reveal too much about yourself.
Are you KIDDING me? We’re not supposed to talk about our lives? Tell me, oh wise blog writer (who will remain unnamed)… if we can’t talk about anything in detail, then what ARE we expected to talk about on a first date? Our favorite color? Our skincare routine? ….Our undying interest in whatever our date has to say?
Oh, please. Gag me with a spoon.
It gets worse. Some of the other tips I’ve read online include: avoid any and all controversial topics, date a man with money, make sure he’s not balding, feign interest in whatever topic comes up, use dates as a way to earn free meals, don’t use man-like body language… the list goes on.
To all of that, I say: hell no.
In fact, I was so appalled at what I found online that I decided to write my own dating advice blog with real, actual dating advice for women. This isn’t going to be some kind of “life hack” blog that gives you an easy pathway to putting a ring on it… instead, it’s a compilation of tips and tools you can use to make the process of dating simpler, smoother and — god forbid — truly enjoyable.
Ready to stop going on terrible first dates? Here’s my dating advice for women.
Start journaling about what you want out of your dating experience
Some of you probably already own journals, but if you don’t, now’s the time to get one. That’s because a journal is one of the best dating tools out there. A journal can help you plan out what you want while going on dates, and it can also help you clarify what you’d like in a partner.
Here’s how it works. First, envision what your “perfect” date would look like to you. Who would it be with? What are they like? What do they do for a living? Do they love animals? Are they an extrovert, or more of the quiet but poignant type? Are they well-read, into sports, a musician or a family-oriented person? Conjure up all the qualities you can think of in your ideal date, and then put a pin in that.
Next, imagine what kind of date you’re on. Are you going to a fancy dinner at a high-end restaurant, or are you playing pool while drinking cheap beer at the local dive? Do you go to the beach for a walk, or are you touring an art museum for the afternoon? Are you taking a bike ride together or meeting out for coffee? Write that down in detail, and then put a pin in that, too.
Then, think about the “vibe” of the date itself. Is it relaxed and low-key? Or is there some mystery and sexual tension there? Do you think about it as a friendship that blossoms into a romance, or a hot and heavy romantic connection that, with time, will turn into a deep friendship? Keep writing, and writing, and writing some more.
The goal of all of this is to come up with what you’re actually looking for in a dating experience. I’m not going to sit here and give you a one-size-fits-all description of what that should look like, because the truth is, dating is different for everyone. Some people want pomp and circumstance, others want candles and wine, and still others would rather chill at home in sweatpants and watch reruns of Vanderpump Rules.
And ALL of those things are okay!
The only thing that’s not okay is not knowing what you want — because if you don’t, dating is going to be a whole lot harder. Dating without first knowing what you’re looking for in a dating experience is like applying for a job in a completely different field from the one you studied and saying, “I hope the interview goes well!”
We don’t want that. So, pick up your journal and start to really think about what kind of person you’re looking for.
Forget what your friends and family have said about you before
“Oh, we know your type. He’ll be perfect for you.” “You don’t like those kinds of guys… and besides, he wouldn’t be interested in you.” “You need to focus on your career — not a relationship!” “She’s too nerdy for you. You two would never get along.”
Our friends and family sure have a lot to say about our dating lives, don’t they? They like to step in, give ill-suited advice and then step out, leaving us to try and make sense of what they said. Often they’ll say it’s because they “know us best,” but the truth is, nobody knows you better than you do.
So, here’s what you’re going to do: if you’re carrying around any old ideas about what “kind” of dater you are, it’s time to drop those in the garbage disposal. Do that, and then tell yourself the following: just because someone told me I am something, that doesn’t mean it’s true.
Around here, we call that the zucchini principle. It means someone could call you a zucchini… but would it actually make you one? Hell no (or, at least, I hope not…)! The truth is, while most people in our lives mean well, they can often give bad advice that holds us back from potential dating experiences that might be good for us.
Instead of relying on your friends and family to tell you what you need in your life, rely on your own knowledge of yourself and your intuition to make a choice that feels aligned with your values. Only then will you start to see the kinds of results you’ve been looking for in your dating life.
Slow down on the long game
Marriage is sort of the relationship end game, isn’t it? News flash: only if you want it to be! While it’s perfectly okay to pursue a beautiful, loving marriage with your dream partner, dating with ONLY marriage in mind can blind you to some red flags along the way.
This applies to far more than just marriage, by the way.
Think about it: if you’re going on dates with someone and you keep trying to “force” something into being, then it probably isn’t meant to be. For instance, if you’re constantly upset that your date is chronically late to things, getting mad about it and blowing up at them for it likely won’t help.
The same goes for trying to make someone enter a new stage of a relationship faster than they’re ready to. If they’re not ready to be exclusive, get engaged, get married or undergo any other relationship milestone, pushing them to be ready is only going to make things worse. It’s a bit like getting water from a wall… you simply can’t do it.
At this point, you have two choices. You can either accept the person you’re seeing as they are, or you can cut things loose and look for someone who better fits your life plan. Most dating sites will tell you to do one or the other, but I’m here to tell you something different…
You can do either, as long as you’re happy. Shocking, isn’t it? It’s OKAY to break things off with someone who’s unable to provide exactly what you’re looking for, and it’s also OKAY to remain with someone who still gives you the essence of what you love, even if there are areas that aren’t completely in line with your beliefs.
What’s NOT OKAY is to be unhappy. So, if one of those situations sounds terrible to you, then you’ve got some big decisions to make. The point is that all of us have a choice in dating someone, and none of us have to be prisoners of our own choices if we don’t want to.
Choose who you want and how you want them, and never be afraid to stand up for what you love, need and desire.
Assume positive intent
My final point of today’s dating manifesto is simple: assume that the people you’re going on dates with want what’s best for you. I know, that sounds kind of crazy… but if you assume that everyone’s just out to satiate their own desires, or play with your feelings, then it’ll probably be true.
What do I mean by that? Simple. If you go into a date with a bad mentality, you won’t be clearheaded enough to let something beautiful grow with another person. If the person doesn’t mean well, you’ll obviously know soon enough — but if they do mean well, and you assume that they don’t, then you might just blow a chance at finding love.
This means you have to change your mentality about dating a little bit. If you catch yourself constantly saying things like “Men are so terrible,” “I hate first dates,” “Dating is such a chore,” and “I wish I was old and happily married already,” then you might not be ready to date at all just yet. You might be a little too burnt out and jaded by dating to give it a fair chance, and trying to push back against those feelings will only make the process of dating more excruciating.
For best results, date when you’re feeling happy, fulfilled, inspired and excited about life. Date when it feels absolutely right to date, and not because you’re afraid you’ll end up alone. Date because you want to find the good in someone else and experience it firsthand.
Date to experience life, and enjoy every moment of it.
Not ALL dating advice for women has to be terrible
Alright. You’ve just read through my thoughts on dating. Before you go, I should give you a little disclaimer: some of these tips might work for you, and some of them might not. Nothing is universal, and everyone looks for something different when they’re dating. That’s totally okay. I want you to take what works for you on this list and apply it, and then heave the rest of it into the trash… got it?
The important thing is to start really envisioning what you want your dating life to look like, and then pursuing that with all your heart. If you do that, you really can’t go wrong.
Need a little more advice? I’ve got you covered. Check us out to learn more about what we do, and how we can help you out.
More similar content: Check out our dating tips for men article for more strategies on navigating the dating scene!